The message I need to keep saying to myself

If I think about this whole Black Lives Matter issue in my own isolated situation I think another reason why I have not suffered so much from it is because of my built in self defence mechanism that conditions me not to expect anything from anyone including acceptance and approval. No one and nothing can hurt or break me because I have transformed myself from a human to a machine. When I walk into a shop I am already anticipating the shop assistants fear. When I have to work with new colleagues I am expecting a lack of trust or confidence in me and when the police stop me I have already assumed its because I am black. 

But regularly the program in the machine gets interrupted when people including some who originally displayed initial prejudice towards me turn around and accept me and become colour blind (towards me at least). That shop assistant treats me with the same respect as any other client and is not looking at me suspiciously as a possible suspect, those new work colleagues look and view me as an experienced tradesperson and readily accept my advice and instructions and that police officer that stopped me checks my licence and insurance papers and says ‘Thank you Sir’ and allows me to continue my journey. 

Because I am not expecting this it becomes like a pleasant surprise a bonus instead of what it should be the everyday norm.

Sometimes we become are own worst enemy with the preconceived, self destructive thoughts of how our world views us. Thoughts and attitudes that are sometimes introduced to us by our surroundings, education and mainstream media that focuses on the negative and neglects and ignores the positiveness of being black. Thoughts that we should be actively rejecting are allowed to settle, sprout and grow inside our minds.

In some cases we have already been judged and in others cases we have already convicted ourselves.

Black Lives Matter is not only a message to the whole world but it is also a message we need to continual say and repeat to ourselves.

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